So I’ve been struggling with somethings for a little while now. And I wonder if any other women are going through the same things? My Identity, or rather, my secret identity. (which seems to be more and more secret everyday) So, we all know the basics: I’m under 30, I’m a mom, I’m a fake Korean, I’m a ‘wife’, the list could go on and on about the things I am. The problem seems to be however, WHO I am right now.

 The list can also go on and on about who I used to be: I used to be fun, I used to be the life of the party, I used to be popular, I used to be lively. Pre-kids, pre-adulthood, pre-Queens me was pretty cool. I used to be the music guru. My collection was massive and I could name an awesome song that was going to blow up about a year before it actually did. I had dreams of being this fast moving executive of some type in the industry somehow. I used to dance, and be good! I used to seriously be care-free.

Life hits hard and when it does, it beats the sh*t out of you, maybe even the life out of you. All of a sudden in the last few years my life came crashing down around me. People that I thought were so important suddenly fell off. I fell off the face of the earth and went into hiding. And then something happened, out emerged a new me, the ‘Wonder woman’ me.

I took all of the things that life threw at me and I rose above it and managed to thrive. I took $5 and made a gourmet 6 course meal with it. I became this multi-tasking- head of the household-mommy-wife wonder woman. Starting at 6am until everyone is relaxed and in bed, I don’t stop. Keep going, going, going. Push harder. Make more money, make more food, just make MORE. Be better. Be healthier. Be skinnier. Be sexier. Cook better. Be a better example. Be more loving. Be more considerate. Be more self-sacrificing. MORE MORE MORE!! IT’S STILL NOT DONE YET?? MOREEEE!!!

And at the end of the day, when Wonder Woman can finally retire for the evening, my lowly secret identity looks up to me, smiles and lays her head back down. She seems to be fading smaller and smaller because Wonder Woman has taken over. And Wonder Woman is a mouse on a wheel. I keep pushing harder and faster, and seem to be going nowhere.

Of course, we can all see the fruits of my labor when you see my son. But I can’t help but feel a little empty. Maybe this is because I am a fairly new mother. I’m just getting over the shell shock of having an infant. But I frantically work and work and work, when I come home from work, I work and work and work. Then I start the whole process all over again.  The storm has waned a little, the dust has settled and I can finally see what I’m left with. Where is ME? Hopefully I can combine the wonder woman and my secret identity one day. Maybe I just need to adjust to my new roles. I”m not sure. And I apologize if this is too blunt for anyone. But as a woman and a mother, I’m pretty sure a lot of others would feel the same.

Well…that’s it for now…stay tuned for some recipes from the other night: SUPER SUPER easy baby back ribs and cabbage noodles, and a super easy beer batter. 🙂